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Cornholio Was Before His Time

April 07, 2020

Who would have ever thought that in 1993, MTV would have brought to us a visionary of what our essential needs would be, while dealing with the Coronavirus pandemic. For those who weren't watching Music Television (that is what MTV use to stand for), Mike Judge brought to us two southern destructive teenagers, who loved tacos, heavy metal and TV. It was basically a cartoon on TV about watching TV. Wildly entertaining and amazingly none thought provoking. Yet I watched EVERY SINGLE EPISODE!

Bevis in particular might have seen the need for hoarding toilet paper far before any of us could grasp his message. He would transform himself, in a very deceptive way, which was by pulling his shirt over his head and ever so slightly changing his voice to say "I am the great Cornholio... I need TP for my bunghole"..

As of today, supplies of toilet paper, paper towel and hand sanitizer are fairly scarce on store shelves. Luckily for me, I was able to stock up, as I normally would, before the fear set in with most people. I resisted the urge to buy more than I needed, simply due to the fact that I didn't have anywhere to store it. I also figured that diarrhea isn't a symptom of Coronavirus, and I didn't plan on using the toilet more than normal, so why would I buy more than normal?

Worst case scenario, I'd be taking a hell of a lot more showers and doing more laundry, if the ability to obtain toilet paper became difficult. Hand sanitizer on the other hand is a more difficult discussion. As with toilet paper (TP), I didn't feel the need to ever hoard it. However, that product does seem to be more illusive than TP at this point, and when I have been out, which isn't much, I haven't seen it. The mission seems clear now... Do whatever it takes to keep the digits clean. Once our hands are sanitized, don't touch your face or anything else, and while you have some downtime, wash your hands some more.

I don't know about you, but one of the products that doesn't seem to have a run on it, is hand lotion. Mostly I consider myself a manly man, at least that's what the result is in my dreams. And as a manly man, I don't bother with lotions or any sort. However, we've happen upon rough times, and these difficult times call for extreme measures...So I'm wearing lotion, and I mean a lot of lotion. The soap & water in addition to hand sanitizer, simply because I walked by one has finally dried me out. Gone are my cracked and bleeding knuckles, and what's returned is my very obvious desk job hands. The dream of becoming a lumberjack are now just a dream. I don't think those guys are using lotions. In fact, I'm sure.

There you have it, another helpful blog post about who the real geniuses are and the products that you didn't even know you need, but now you need them. I hope you are distancing yourself from others and using the appropriate amount of toilet paper, while at home all alone. Remember, after washing your hands, apply lotion. If you don't, you'll emerge from isolation looking weeks older!

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